The Tears and Trials of Paige Matthews
by bobtheconqueror
Summary: While Paige slowly learns to trust her sister, her frightening story of her early childhood is finally told to her very suprised sisters. Can they handle the truth? Paige POV. Contains intense themes
1. Beautiful Painting

**The Tears and Trials of Paige Mathews**

Disclaimer: No, sadly, I do not own Charmed. It is such a sad, sad, truth. Nor am I gaining any monetary value by writing this, but I do own any new characters and the story itself.

Note: Ok, this takes place right before "A Paige from the Past" and also this is my FIRST story so review away, but don't chastise me, or try to send me to the flaming pits of hell; though do correct my spelling if it is **really bad**. Also, the actual charmed episodes sometimes seemed to not even agree with themselves of when things took place in the past (or why in case of the dad). I just pieced together that Piper is three years ahead of Phoebe, who is two years ahead of Paige. Joy. Paige POV. Small first chapter.

**WARNING!!!:** This fic. Is quite dark, but gives a new perspective on Paige's early childhood. And by new I mean almost any. This contains scenes of child abuse, rape, mentions of drug use/ trafficking. So read at own risk. Hope you like!

Chapter 1: Beautiful Painting

"Its very beautiful, Paige," came a voice behind me. I turned my head around to see the owner of the compliment. I had been in my room, sitting on my stool, painting a figure that I had been thinking of lately. The painting contained a little red headed girl, appearing to be asleep on a park bench. The girl was wearing a bright green teeshirt, blue jeans and no shoes; her toes painted pink, pointed toward the blue sky. She also had a golden heart-shaped necklace, laying on her neck, that, along with her arm, was dangling toward the ground. The park behind her was an calming one, exactly like I had remembered it. A small duck pond with bright goldfish on the left, a large hippopotamus water fountain in the far right, and a small playground, all dominating the scenery behind her. I had just been finishing what I felt was the most important part of the painting when Piper came in: a single red rose lying on the breast of the small twelve year old girl.

"Thanks," I awkwardly reply. Piper stands leaning against the door-frame admiring my work. I had just moved into the manor not a month ago, and I was still apprehensive of our relationship. I still was contemplating whether it was a relationship of love or just Power of Three. I knew from my past experiences that relationships were merely business transactions and rarely involved love. Glen was the only person who ever proved this sentiment wrong.

"What's the painting of? You?" asked Piper, coming closer and leaning over my shoulder. She placed her right arm around me like a scarf and my body unconsciously flinched, as it always did when a stranger touched me. "Are you OK?" she asks with a raised eyebrow, sensing my discomfort.

_Great_, I thought. "I am just uncomfortable with…" I trail off staring fiercely at my painting and refusing to look at her. I then continue with painting the rose by expressing its edges. She, meanwhile, sunk on my shoulder deeper, placing her chin into the crevice by my neck. I start shaking compulsively as she does this, trying to give her a clue, but she just whispers into my ear, "You know, we are sisters and you can trust Phoebe and I." As I continue to shrug her off she adds, "Do you want to talk about it?"

"**NO!**" I scream, almost throwing her to the ground. I swing around on my chair to face her. She just stands their, blinking at me.

"OK," she says nodding slowly. " I am just two doors over if you need to talk. Good night, Paige." I nod slowly, but still in shock that I had been so forth with Piper. She looks at me curiously and then leaves, slowly shutting the door behind her. I still sit paralyzed in my chair, with tears flowing down my face silently. I drop the brush I had been holding and cry hard; my face hiding in my hands.

* * *

I know that this was very short. Next shall be longer. Promise! 


	2. Love Hurts?

Note: Italics show thought or memory

Chapter 2: Love Hurts?

I woke up the next morning, aching all over, remembering the events of the night before. I slowly rose to a sitting position contemplating whether I should get ready for the day or just continue lying in bed; go to sleep never to wake up. I decided on a compromise and let my eyes wander around my room. My painting sat resting on its pedestal in the corner; the fresh dawn light giving it an eerie look. My eyes finally rested on a green vase in the other corner with three red roses within it. The roses seemed to be bathed in early morning light.

I quickly and quietly rose from bed, revealing my rose covered nightgown. I swiftly walked around the bed and over to my roses. I immediately started to inspect them to make sure of health. I had always been proud of my ability to raise roses.

"How are you today, my loves?" I whispered sweetly to them. Once I was positive that they were doing well, I pulled away. As I walked around the room to gather clothes for my morning shower, I noticed that my right hand was bleeding slightly, probably form pricking it on a rose thorn. As I watched the blood drip from my hand a scene appeared into my mind.

_A little girl was briskly walking to her grandmother's house. She was small, her dark red hair tied back into a ponytail, wearing a black dress with black dress shoes. As she neared the house she saw her grandmother in front of her garden with her back facing the little girl. The grandmother seemed to be meddling with her rose garden. "Hello, grandmother!" the little girl yelled happily. The grandmother turned her head and replied unhappily, "Oh, hello Paige. Are you ready for your grandfather's funeral?" _

_ "Yes, maam. We are going to be late, what are you doing? Dad told me to come see if you were OK." I asked, watching my grandmother start cutting the stems of several roses. She looked at me with a very annoyed look about her face. "Of course I am not all right, use your brain. My husband just died…" she replied, fading out due to the steam of tears that hit her eyes. She turned away from me and continued to mess with her rose garden, until I stepped to the side of her and asked what she was doing again. "I am cutting roses for grandpa, for the funeral," she replied. _

_ "Why?" I asked. The idea of if someone dies you cut a rose for them seemed odd and very confusing to me. _

_ "Because," she explained. "Roses are a sign of love, caring and remembrance. If you leave a rose behind, on someone's gravestone, it shows that you will always love and cherish them; even in death." _

_ "Oh," I exclaim. "May I pick one for grandpa then?" She looked at me curiously and her eyes pierced into mine and I saw her cry a little. She looked back down to the ground, replying, "Sure." She then moved aside to allow me to cut a rose to leave with grandpa. I start to lay my hand on a particularly beautiful, tall one, when I stop in a yelp of pain. "Ow, that hurt," I exclaim. "I thought roses were love. Love doesn't hurt… does it?" I asked looking at my grandmother. She just looked at me and laughed. She didn't answer, rather picked her roses up that she had cut and walked away. _

I looked at my hand, which was still bleeding, with no expression on my face. I carefully gather clothes to take my shower, careful not to drop any blood on them.

I take my shower swiftly and then while stepping out I catch my nude reflex ion in the mirror. It looks pale, very thin and somewhat scarred; as it always had. I had always been thin, but not in a healthy way. The very few people who had seen me completely or partially naked recently (not my sisters yet, thank god) always replied that I needed to gain some weight. It wasn't that I didn't eat on purpose, or liked a small, delicate frame, but just I never liked eating to much. I hated how obscenely pale it was along with my scars. I didn't have many but the ones I did have stood out. I had one long one on my right leg, an old knife wound on my left side and old whip marks on my back. I glared into my large brown eyes and then proceeded to get dressed. I finally emerged form the bathroom and walked quietly down the stairs toward the kitchen. As I entered the dining room, I heard raised voices of my 'sisters', brother in-law and Cole. I paused and considered to enter, not liking to listen into other people's conversations, until I overheard my own name being mentioned.

"… and then Paige nearly threw me to the ground, screaming no. I said goodnight and left her, but what was that about?" I paused upon hearing this and at first wondering why Piper would bring this up, but then considered my suspicious acting and thinking it may natural. To my great surprise Cole answered her question. "Well, you and Phoebe grew up close together, so any lovey-dovey stuff seems only natural to you guys. To Paige though, who grew apart from you, this concept may be a bit more personal then she likes. Plus, her personal experiences in growing up are vastly different from Phoebe's and yourself and given that you met her, what, two and a half, three months ago; probably way too soon. Of course another simple answer could be that she doesn't like being pawed at by strangers. Remember, you guys no nothing of her and you find it uncomfortable but put it in reverse also."

I blink at this statement and deciding that the situation was too good to pass up; I went around the corner saying, "Wow Cole. That was a pretty good personal evaluation. Didn't know that you had it in you, for an ex-demon." Everyone in the room instantly tensed up and eyes went wide, waiting for me to say, or yell, something; all except Cole that is, who merely put on a half-grin and replied, "I have an occasional moment."

"You knew I was listening in, didn't you?" I asked, looking straight at Cole. He just grinned, shrugging slightly. The room went deathly silent as I stood around the island grabbing a bowl, cereal and the milk. I just stared at my bowl, aware of the stairs, silently. The silence was finally broken when Leo let out a cough that sounded suspiciously like, "golden opportunity."

_Very subtle_, I thought sarcastically. Piper, however, decided to take the advice and asked, rather bluntly, "Would you mind sharing some information about yourself? I know we aren't the closest of siblings, but learning about each other could help ease the flow of things. Phoebe and I would be more than happy to answer any of your questions about us." I stare at Piper as she says this and Phoebe, to my right, is nodding quickly, staring straight at me. I think for a minute and then reply, "Like, what kind of information?"

"Everything," replied Phoebe quickly, with a smile on her face and a sparkle in her eyes. She then notices Piper's glare and adds, "… that you feel comfortable with sharing. You don't even have to answer our questions. We can go back and forth too, but let's sit at the table." With that, everyone starts to travel toward the table, giving me time to think about it.

As I sit down I say, "Fine, but I can stop this interrogation when I want to." They both nod, while Cole and Leo exchange uneasy glances. I gesture toward Phoebe to allow her the first go and she opens her mouth and immediately asks, "Why do you like roses so much? You have a vase full, you planted a new rose bush outside and tend to it daily and you even have rose bathrobe. And now you painted a rose on your painting, which I saw this morning," she adds quickly. I am stunned, as much as anyone is around the table, that Phoebe would ask this question first. I am also stunned that Phoebe, probably unintentionally, asked a very deep, personal question.

"Well, "I stammer, "I have always liked roses." With only this, Phoebe gestures for me to continue so I add, "And my grandmother told me, on the day of my grandfather's funeral, that roses were love. She let me pick one of her's so I could lay it on his casket. I would have been seven then. I always had a deep connection with them ever since, "I finish. I look around and Phoebe looks happy, while Leo and Cole exchange uneasy looks again, and Piper says, "Awe. Well I guess that's good. We haven't had a decent florist, who didn't kill all of the plants, since Mom."

"Hey," blanched Phoebe, "I wasn't that bad. I didn't drown them all like you did and do."

Piper merely squinted her eyes at Phoebe saying, "no, but at least I didn't eat them all when we were younger."

"Twice. I did that twice."

"I figured you would have learned after the first time," replied Piper. I couldn't help but let out a giggle at this little argument. Piper turned toward me grinning. "Me next?" I nod politely, waiting apprehensively for her question.

"My first question actually is going to be dealt to these knuckleheads," she says glaring at Cole and Leo, both of whom immediately pull identical guilty faces and once again exchange looks. "What do you two know?"

I raise an eyebrow toward both of them and the both flash looks off me before Leo stammers, "Well… you see… the Elders wanted to know more about Paige before she became totally umm… amerced in being a charmed one. So they had me research Paige's past…" Leo stops here due to the growl that has slowly leaked from me during this speech. _How Dare they!_, I think.

Both Phoebe and Piper glance between me, Leo and Cole as if it were a tennis match. Cole meanwhile is melting into his chair, giving myself a better view of Leo, who is steadily turning white. "And WHAT did you learn and how is the wicket asshole of the west here, involved?" I whisper harshly, slowly rising from my chair. At this comment, Cole stopped sinking his chair, his eyes level with the table and Leo, again, stammered, "Mainly about… umm… your childhood and…" Leo stopped here due to his plate orbing and smashing the opposite wall, all without even a wag of my finger. Piper and Phoebe both have identical wide eyes, watching me as if I were dynamite. Cole finally is able to speak and says, still eye level with the table, "Leo learned about you from me, since you might not remember; I knew you when you were younger."


	3. Fight and Flight

Chapter 3: Fight and Flight

"You kn… knew me? H-How?" I stuttered, looking directly at Cole. Fear consumed me as I looked at him; fear that I hadn't felt since I was a little girl. The old fears took over me the moment he said he knew me, my past; the fear of people, especially men, of blood and the fear of a promise of love. All these fears consumed me at once and I stumble backwards eager to be away from Them. I paid no attention to my sisters, who were walking over to me, shouting incomprehensible things to Cole and Leo, or to Leo who was walking toward me, ignoring Phoebe and Piper, but just to Cole, who stood up during this time and looked directly into my eyes, silently screaming; I know. I let out a whimper as I crawled backwards as fast as I could away from them, eager to get away from any knowledge of my past.

"Paige? Tell us what's wrong. Paige, we want to help," said Phoebe kneeling down next to me, placing her hand on my shoulder, perhaps to calm me down. The moment she touched me my body instantly reacted in defense and my foot shot out hitting Phoebe on the stomach. As she doubled backwards I couldn't help but think, _not again! They are here to hurt me, just like all the others! Cole will tell them everything and they will throw me out on the street like the dog I was! Just like mom…_

"Paige!" Leo screamed in my face, while pushing aside Piper and Phoebe. I stared at him for a second, before the pressure soon became too much. I took one last glance at Cole before orbing away. I hadn't thought of where I would orb and found myself in my room. Tears quickly found their place, flowing down my face as I lay inert on my floor. I cried hard as I was forced to remember my early years; memories that I have tried hard to erase. Memories, evil memories, start flashing through my mind.

_An old man that I called father, stands above my eight-year old naked body, without any sign of remorse._

_I see my ten year old self with emotionless eyes, standing alone, deserted, in the middle of an alleyway clutching nothing more than an old purse._

_I see myself standing in a darkened room; a room I would come to know as Dreamland._

_I see myself laying a rose on top of a little red-headed girl, who lies unmoving on a park bench._

_I see my twelve year old self sitting motionless but scared, handcuffed in a police interrogation room._

_I see a car burning fiercely while my fourteen year old self stands on the sideline looking at the wreckage with an emotionless face._

I see nothing, just darkness all around me. _This isn't a memory_, I think. _Where am I_? Then I see a figure, bathed in light in front of me. The figure gets bigger and bigger until it stands in front of me, face to face.

"Hello, Paige, my darling," says Patty, smiling slightly at me. I quickly take in her appearance. She is a beautiful woman, wearing a shining, white robe.

I stare at her silently, not knowing how exactly to respond. I felt extremely nervous around her and realized this would be the first time since birth that I would be with her alone. Se comes near me, moving to touch me, perhaps for a hug, but I move quickly away from her touch saying aggressively, "Don't touch me!" I see that my words sting Patty who looks at me sadly, as if I was some wounded animal that was to be pitied. "What do you want Patty?" I ask, my eyes filled with anger. I don't know why I feel angry, I just do.

"Mom," she replies, "and I came to tell you to tell your sisters about your past. I know it hurts, but it will help you to tell your story, instead of them learning secondhand from Cole, who doesn't even know everything. They won't judge and you will receive their love, love that you should have…" She stops here as my yelling overtook her voice. All the rage I've held over the years comes flying out at Patty, who stands by a little frightened, but patient.

"You know **nothing** about me or how I feel, Patty! Don't you ever talk to me like you love or want to protect me, because I know deep down you don't!" I yell at Patty, eager to get all my suppressed rage at her, out and into the open. She opens her mouth to speak and says, "Paige honey, I…" I can't take anymore and I leap on top of her, pinning her down, while both screaming and crying.

"What, Patty dearest, what! I know the truth about you! You had a bastard child and couldn't take the humiliation, so you left her for dead at a church. You didn't even care or me, just your three precious charmed ones, didn't want me ruining their parade. While I was tortured, raped, beaten and left for dead again, this time in the middle of San Francisco, where were you or Grams, eh? NO WHERE! You're dead to me!" I scream at the top of my lungs. I collapse in tears and roll away from her, my eyes bloodshot from all the crying. Patty's face is white and I can tell she is crying too. She stands up and leans over me attempting to comfort me, but I pull away, feeling disgusted about her.

"Paige, honey, listen to me," Patty says trying to comfort me. "I know I made mistakes, but you have to know, while you were being hurt, I tried to contact Grams to get you out of there, but the elders wouldn't let me saying she hasn't moved on yet. I do love you, I…" She breaks off as I speak.

"No you don't, you whore. You couldn't keep it in your pants, so you fucked your whitelighter and landed with me. Don't speak about love in front of me," I cry silently but harshly to her. My face is as white as hers is, and I am crying nonstop now. "Goodbye," I whisper to her, orbing away. The last glimpse I see of Patty is of her crying, collapsed on the ground.

As I am orbing, I feel a strong pull somewhere, and I feel myself on a bed. I open my eyes to find myself in my room, with a heavy weight on my chest. I look over to realize that Phoebe is sleeping on my bed next to me with her arm around me. Fearful of touch, I quickly pull away, only to fall off my bed with a loud thud. The thud wakes Phoebe, who peers off the side of the bed, looking at me with worry. "Oh Paige! You're finally awake! You've been asleep for about half a day and we couldn't wake you. Leo told us just to let you rest, though." I blink at this statement and rest my eyes on my clock, which is blinking 9:23 PM.

_Hmm…_ I think. _Wherever Patty took me must have an odd time schedule._ Then I remember the conversation I had with her and instantly felt sick to my stomach. I stand up, feeling my legs shake. Phoebe comes over to me worried and places her hands on my arm to help balance me. I pull quickly away from her, stumbling out into the hall. I lean on the wall opposite my door. Phoebe stands in the doorway saying, "Paige, what…"

"Ah! You're finally awake. Now we can finally get some answers. Cole and Leo are pleading the fifth and told us to ask you about what is going on." I turn my head to see Piper walking over to me, with a smile on her face. It all was too much. I try to orb but I feel too weak, so I run away down the stairs, only to trip on the bottom one. As I face plant, I hear my sisters running down the stairs after me. Fear takes over completely and I am finally able to orb. I am not able to orb far, just to the door. I turn my head to see my sisters at the bottom of the stairs, saying something, running towards me. I pull open the door and just run toward my car, which is parked across the street.

"Paige, wait! Stop!" I hear my sisters scream as I run across the walk that's on our lawn. I run across the street to hear Phoebe scream, "Look out!" I don't even have time to react as I hear a loud horn and a skid. Then my world turns black.

I wake up to the sound of beeping and snoring. I open my eyes completely to see a white ceiling and an odd machine next to me. _Great, a hospital_, I think. I look around to see Leo and Cole the only ones awake. My sisters are sleeping on a small sofa opposite me, while Leo sits awake, on my left and Cole on my right. Leo decides to talk first.

"Paige, I had your Grams come down and put a sleeping spell on Piper and Phoebe while I did this."

I sit up, to stare at Leo, who is busy pulling some bright, white powder out of a bag. "What's this?" I ask, staring at the powder.

"The intervention," he replies, blowing hard on the powder, scattering it all into my face.

While I sit there, feeling all emotions and energy run out of me, I hear Leo say, "God I need new material." I stare blankly at Leo, feeling and thinking nothing. "This is an intervention Paige. When you wake up you will feel compelled to tell your sisters everything about your younger self. The self that grew up with all the fear. The self you try to keep away from your sisters and yourself. You will feel compelled to tell them what you don't want them to know. You will also forget this conversation," He says. And with that, he leans over to my face and blows hard, slipping me back into darkness.

I awaken, remembering nothing of before, and sit up and groan. I sense motion on my sides and feel hands instantly hug me. "Oh, Paige! You're awake! We were so scared for you! We saw the car and…" Phoebe says, stopping due to the look Piper is giving me. As I shudder away from Phoebe's touch I stare at Piper, feeling exhausted, not wanting an argument. She starts speaking, quietly and gently, while I stare into her soft eyes.

"Paige, I know something is very wrong when you run away from you sisters to get hit by a car. We only want to help. We won't judge. Just tell us what you're hiding. We want to know so you can begin to trust us."

I stare at her, with part of me eager to yell and say no, but something else stops me. I close my eyes and instead just ask, "Why am I in the hospital?"

Phoebe quickly answers, "After you got hit we tried to take care of the situation. We couldn't have Leo heal you for fear of exposure and also the driver had already called an ambulance. You had an x-ray and the works. You have two broken ribs, broken leg and a probable concussion. The doctor says you'll be OK though."

I nod slowly and turn from Phoebe to Piper who starts to open her mouth but I interrupt saying, "Alright. I will tell you a bit."

"No, everything," she replies, looking straight into my eyes.

"Fine," I say. I don't know why I want to tell them but a part of me just does; a part to tired to fear everyone anymore, a part just wanting peace. "But only in parts. Not all at once." I see both my sisters nod and I open my mouth, to tell the first part of a tale, that has taken away my childhood and threw me, unprotected and unprepared, into my adulthood. The story of my past.


	4. Rachael

First of all I would like to begin by thanking Christinamarie712 for being my first ever reviewer. As a token of my thanks I offer an imaginary cookie to you since a) I do not have any real ones currently and b) I doubt you would ever want to receive a real cookie from some random guy who happens to have a fanfiction account.

Second of all I **GREATLY** apologize for being late in updating my story. I had some personal and school business to see to but now I can be back in full swing.

Thirdly, I would like to remind everyone that this fanfiction is rated **M** for a reason. Though I try to stay away from a bunch of openly disturbing stuff some of that stuff is still in here (hint, hint… this chapter).

And lastly this chapter does contain some sensitive material. Please be advised.

* * *

Chapter 4: Rachael

About twelve seconds after I open my mouth, intending to tell my story, I still haven't said anything. I finally close my mouth and look towards the ceiling. My mind just feels like it had been hit by a bus. I was completely emotionally exhausted and it apparently showed. Cole, who had been sitting across from me on the couch with Leo, says kindly, "I know this situation must be playing hard on your mind. In order to make it easier for you we 'influenced' the doctor to let us have the room privately for a while. We can wait until tomorrow to have you tell your story, so you can get it straight in your head. But remember, the longer you wait, the harder it will…"

I take this opportunity to interrupt him saying, still staring at the ceiling, "I want to say something now. If I don't I will never get this started. I only ask, no matter what I say, none of you can interrupt. NO INTERRUPTIONS. OK?"

"OK," everyone replies. I sigh hard at their desperate want for information. I just feel too emotionally tired to argue against the situation. "I have never told this to anyone," I croak, still refusing to look at anyone but the ceiling, "so this is rather hard." I feel Phoebe and Piper both squeeze my hands in comfort. I barely register, but it is enough to push me to finally speak.

"OK. I told you earlier that roses are love," I say, determined to start somewhere. "Let's just say I didn't receive many roses when I was little." I originally grew up an hour east of here. The neighborhood had the air of being really depressed. No one smiled and waved to one another, no one talked to the neighbor to see if they were OK or just to chat: everyone just minded their own business. This philosophy of business seeped into the minds of everyone so far, that a teenage boy across the street from me cried on his lawn almost daily and no one came to see what was wrong. I remember after hearing about his suicide when I was eight, that his older brother had shared the same fate years earlier. That's the air I grew up in: business and if you survived pleasure."

"My family owned a white, two floored house with basement. It had the perfect American family look; white house, clean, green, cut grass and even a white picket fence. If you asked anyone who knew my parents, such as the members of the church I was dumped at, they would all tell you that my family was just like the appearance of the house, perfect. I always noticed that the house, like the family within, held holes in the fences, cracked wooding and the garden held no roses."

"Inside the house, the portion that the guests saw was very much like the outside, perfect. Everything you saw was clean and nothing out of place. A dream home," I add crying. Both my sisters squeeze my hand again, pushing me to go on. "But appearances can be deceiving. My room was on the second floor, right across from my parent's room and it bugged me when I was little that my door had no lock even though my parents' room had one. My room had a twin bed, with a few sheets on it, and across the walls were drawings of things I had either seen or imagined in my short lifetime."

I was a very curious child growing up. I had a 175 IQ, did great in school, read and painted a lot. I had always liked painting. I had pictures of pretend friends, roses, drawings of people doing everyday routines, scattered all around on the wall. I had a very active imagination. Across from my bed was a dresser and on my dresser were four dolls. There was a red headed freckled doll named Mindy, a short blue haired doll named Binky, a blond Barbie doll named Sue and my favorite, the brown haired one in a large red dress named Rachael. My imagination would grow on days I was scared or depressed (which were a lot after I turned eight) and I could hear and see the dolls talk and move. They would comfort me, or tell me to stand up for myself, all depending on the circumstances. I know now that it was all in my head but back then it seemed so real. I remember Rachael comforting me for the first time when I had my first period at the age of eight." Here I heard both my sisters gasp, but true to their word, they did not interrupt.

"I needed Rachael's support when I confronted my parents about it. Dad would tell me to go away or to ask Mom and Mom would just tell me that it happens to every woman, so get used to it. They never helped me through it or told me what it meant."

"Both my parents were extremely predictable and reliable. They always went to work, no matter what was going on with me and had the strictest home schedules of anyone I had ever heard of. They always worked during the day and had the evenings and Sundays off. Sunday would be spent cleaning the house, random chores and if time was left then they would leave to have fun. Rarely was free time spent with me. They would always be in bed trying to go to sleep at eleven. Whatever time they had left would be given to their habits. My mom loved three things; Dad, drinking and poker. When playing poker she loved to spend and was actually quite a good player, so she didn't lose all the time. After work she would play poker with friends at a local casino and then come home and drink. The only time she didn't drink is when she was out of or I hid the beer. My dad was the same way. He loved three things; Mom, drinking and sex. When he came home from work, he would continue work and then drink a little and when Mom got home, after her drink they would have long sex. At ten they would stop, maybe see me or do something quick and then go to bed at eleven. This schedule was strictly maintained.

"Within a month of my paternal grandmother dying (the same one with the roses), I had my first period. The weeks following weren't fun," I say. The images flicker into my mind like a movie as I speak once more.

_Eww, I thought running into my room. I strip my pants and underwear off and stare at the blood on my legs. What's going on, I thought crying loudly now._

"_What is all this racket?" Screams my mom, obviously drunk, stumbling into my room. She sees my naked, slightly bloody legs and starts to laugh, "Huh, looks like it happened to you early, sucks to be you."_

_I watch her now stumble over to me, while I dare to ask, "What is it? I am not going to die, am I?"_

_Mom just stares at me funny and says sluggishly, "No, it happens to all women. Clean it up now and stop dripping all over the floor!" I immediately act, cleaning quickly but efficiently. My mom stumbles out of my room continuing to laugh down the hall._

_After cleaning it up I start to cry, I have no idea what is going on, and the blood scares me and it is still coming out. During my cry session I hear a soft sweet voice say, "Don't worry, it's natural. Though you may want to get something, like a big clothe napkin to use as kind of a diaper, until you find something better." While the voice is talking I look everywhere around the room, searching for the source. Unable to find one I do the voice's bidding and go into the kitchen to grab a large clothe napkin. I go back into my room and here the voice command, "Now wrap it around you like a diaper and you'll be OK. Use clothespins from the bathroom closet to hold it up." Still unable to find the source, I grab some clothespins and after a half hour of very complicated maneuvering on my bed, I accomplish my task. "Good job, Paigey! Now turn around so I can see you."_

_I spun around to see three of my dolls sitting on the dresser, leaning against the walls as they've always done. But one, Rachael, is sitting bolt upright, unsupported, in the middle of the dresser. I couldn't see any signs of life, movement or sounds coming from her as I inch closer. When I finally am face to face with the doll, I prod her and, as expected, she falls over. As she continues to lie unmoving, I turn away only to hear the same voice say, "Hey! First of all, ow. Second of all, you didn't have to poke me." I spin around and my jaw drops. Rachael is not only standing perfectly upright on the dresser, but she has the appearance of looking completely human, except for her being the size of the doll._

_I slowly walk over to my doll, my jaw still wide open, watching her sly grin run across her small features. She still is wearing the same clothes as my doll and has the same basic physical structure. She pats the ground next to her and I place my hand there. She walks into my palm and sits cross legged. I bring her up to my eye level and she grins and waves at me. I give her a slow awkward wave back, still completely speechless. "How?" I am finally able to ask._

_She merely smiles and says, "You were sad, lonely and scared. So I comforted you." The answer seemed so simple but for the first time I felt comforted by someone else's words. I was stunned and just stared at the little figure. I heard footsteps coming from the hallway and Rachael says quickly, "I need to go but if you need me, I will be there!" She then falls back into my palm, now taking the form of my beloved doll._

I stopped talking here for my voice, which had been cracking near the end. Every syllable more I tell them I am that much more to breaking. The story forced me to remember my most beloved companions and friends; my dolls. Even though they only acted in my mind, I still miss them terribly. Only with their strength and support did I survive. During this intermission, I signaled to my sisters that they could talk. Phoebe talks first.

"Your mother laughed at you?" I nod, closing my eyes. "That's horrible." Both Piper and Phoebe look at me shocked, well more than they already were, as I laugh and say, "If that makes you mad and queezy Phoebe, I suggest you leave as it only gets worse."

"Then tell us more," commands Piper. My eyes go in shock this time as I stare at Piper. I had seen Piper sad before, but never over me. Her voice is severely broken and chalk full of tears. Her eyes have tears in them and they are streaming down her face. I nod and continue.

"Anyways, after that event, within the weeks to follow hell was born. Hell in the form of my confusion, pain and father. My only source of comfort was the rare live visit from my dolls. They all had different personality traits and ways of going about things. Mindy and Binky acted as the young ones. Mindy was highly energetic, liked jokes and was always running her mouth. Binky was a highly emotional thigh that would cry, laugh or get mad at the littlest thing. Sure was rule abiding, very clean and protected, and always reminded me of chores, duties or anything else I might forget. Rachael, however, was clearly the matriarch doll. Every time her soft voice would speak we would always listen in wonder. She was the perfect mother figure and I always sought her comfort and advice. Advice and comfort I needed in the weeks to come."

"Three weeks after my event, it was in the middle of summer vacation, so I usually had the house to myself. I was lonely but still happy my parents weren't there. I had been cleaning since I got up and around three, I finally had some time to do my shower. The shower was near my room and since no one would be home until later I left my clothes in my room. After my shower, I dried and walked into the hall completely nude. After I closed the bathroom door I heard a noise in the hallway behind me, and I turned around and saw my father." I choked here in slight grief. My sisters' eyes were wide; obviously fearing what was to come.

"No…" I hear Phoebe softly moan. I turn to her to see her biting her lip. I could only nod to her. I looked back at the ceiling to continue, "I could see even then that my father was drunk. I learned later that his work was off completely that day in order to fix an air conditioning problem. He had gone away to drink with friends, come home and saw me. I saw a wild look in his eyes and tried to run to my room, but the moment I stepped foot in my room he already had me." I start crying now with my body shaking. I look at my sisters pleadingly and say, "I tried to fight at first but he was my daddy! He stripped completely after plopping me on my bed and then he…" I stop her. It was all too much. By now I am crying buckets. I feel my left hand is squeezed and I look at Phoebe. Her eyes are red and it looks like she was crying heavily but manages to say, "You have nothing to feel ashamed of. You have to tell us your version of the story, Paige. Exactly what happened." As I shake my head she adds, "Trust me. You'll feel much better after you tell somebody. I know I did." I look at her stunned expecting it to be a bad lie but she nods confirming.

"What?!" cries Cole. "Who? When?"

Phoebe just kept staring at me and said to relieve my shock, "I told Piper when it happened to me. Years ago by a man named Roger, Prue's ex-fiancé. I never had the heart to tell Prue though." I look at Phoebe shocked to hear this. "You need to tell us what happened. It'll hurt at first but you'll feel better."

I nod slowly, still in shock at Phoebe's story and she adds to my benefit, "He was later arrested for raping someone else and landed for years behind bars."

I not again, strengthened slightly by Phoebe. I open my mouth and start talking. "Well he got me on my bed and then placed himself on top of me," I say all while crying. "He then… then… FUCKED ME!" I shout this part harshly. Both my sisters hold my hands firmly while I break down. I finally gain composure and add, "I felt so much pain as my innocence left me. It hurt so much, I tried to call out but he placed his hands roughly over my mouth. With his mouth he started playing with my undeveloped breasts." I break again but quickly gain my control back. "Once he ejaculated in me, he left. Left me naked, bruised, bleeding, scared and alone on my bed. But I didn't know that my hell was just beginning."


	5. Rosebud

I AM BACK, BABY

**I AM BACK, BABY!! **Umm… errr…. really sorry about being so late…

First) I greatly apologize for being late. First I get writers block, then my computer completely breaks down, then finals, the summer vacation during which I have no internet and lastly I still have no computer but am able to work on a campus one… sigh… procrastination is a bitch.

Second) I am sorry to bring up the doll thing without some forewarning. Though the doll Rachael will play a minor roll, I am creating the doll in order for little Paige to have some interaction with other people (you will see why later). I will be explaining the doll more fully in this chapter.

Third) I do not own Charmed. Nor do I own Law and Order: SVU. The Law and Order characters are not mine and are here as a future part. You need not know the show or the characters at all to understand this story. I am just using them as my cops who will be around throughout the story. I know the SVU are located in New York, but, again, just for this story. I needed cops and thought that some people might recognize them so I am borrowing their personalities and names. Thank you.

Fourth) I ask you, no beg you, **REVIEW!! **The more you review the more insight I gain on my writing and the guiltier I will feel about completely ignoring you. I will get my work done faster. Promise. AND WE ARE OFF!!

Chapter 5: Rosebud

I cried heavily, closing my eyes away from the sight of my tearful sisters. Both of them placed their warm bodies over me comforting me against the memories of my past. "It's OK," both sisters cooed in my ears. They leaned over to me, kissing me on my cheeks and forehead. I managed to stop crying and look over at Phoebe, my eyes filled with tears and fear; a fear of judgment.

"You have to understand," I begged my sisters, looking directly into Phoebe's eyes, "I loved my family." My sisters gave me looks of shock upon hearing this. They glanced over to Leo and Cole, both of whom had raised eyebrows and then glanced back at me.

"How?" Phoebe finally asked nervously. "How can you still feel love for them after all that?" She and Piper shared a look of worry, awaiting my answer.

"Easy," I replied, laughing slightly in spite of myself. "They raised me, fed me, taught me valuable life lessons. I grew up in a better situation then a lot of people did." I looked at Piper now, who had a disgusted look on her face, obviously repulsed by my words. "My mom gave me the knowledge and strength to care and stand up for myself."

"Yeah," replied Piper at once, "by taunting you and forcing you to create an imaginary family from your dolls. Your mind created an illusion to protect you from your parents."

"And my dad," I continued, as if she hadn't spoken, "gave me one of my most treas…"

"Enough!" said Cole, slightly loudly. He stared right at me with a blank, cold stare. "I think we should stop here, so Paige can rest and so the doctor, who is still waiting, can see Paige." I look surprised at him for interrupting me and then I realize why he did. I feel a cold chill envelope around my skin as I realize what I would have said had he continued. _Why would I tell them that_, I think. _I would never tell them that in a hundred years_. "Yes," I say suddenly. "I wish to end this now. We can talk later." As my sisters nod in agreement, the feeling of exhaustion creeps upon me.

As my sisters kiss my head goodbye I reflect on what I told them. _My dolls._ _I never was going to tell anyone about them, let alone complete stranger. Why would I?_ I watch as my sisters hug me and then start for the door while Leo and Cole stand up, getting ready to leave. "We will come back soon honey," says Phoebe smiling slightly. I know she is still in shock and the break will be good for her too. As they head out the door, I shout, "Leo Wait!" Leo pauses to look at me and then gives a small wave to Piper, indicating to leave without him. As the rest leave, Leo takes a seat beside me. "What do you need? I can't heal you if…"

"That's not what I want," I interrupt. I struggle to find the right words as I say, "Leo, during the… interrogation, I said things, I promised myself, I would never repeat to anyone. Let alone them." As I speak Leo starts to shift uncomfortably, his eyes shifting away from mine. "I was not under a spell, right? I know Piper and Phoebe wouldn't but you didn't put one on me right?" Even as I ask, I know the answer; I just need to hear it from him.

"Paige, I…" he stammers.

"Thank you," I interrupt, staring at his shocked but relieved face. I clutch my hand around his and repeat, "Thank you." Leo nods quickly staring right into my eyes. He only lets go when the very annoyed doctor finally shoes him out. As she busies herself around me, I reflect on what I said to Piper and Phoebe and what I would say tomorrow.

"A week?!" asks Phoebe shocked the next day after me telling her what the doctor had said. "A week? For what?"

"Well she did get hit by car," replied Cole fairly, once again sitting by Leo across from me. "They probably want to keep her to make sure they did not miss anything."

I nod toward him, slowing glancing at my sisters who are both staring down on me. "What?" I ask Phoebe after getting annoyed by her stare.

"Well I had some questions about your story yesterday," she says flatly, unconsciously taking one of my hands.

"What?" I ask.

"Well, Leo or Cole could probably answer this too but, I still do not understand the doll thing." I quiver slightly at this but Phoebe continues, now looking at the others too. "I know that abused children can create fantasies, but I thought hard last night and that did not seem like a fantasy, but more like schizophrenia or a magic spell." Here she pauses for my sake then adds, "But you didn't have magic, and the dolls seemed to have different knowledge then what you had…" Here she stops only because Leo interrupts.

"As Piper said yesterday, the dolls were Paige's defense against her family. When magical children are in a moment or place of great fear or despair, they can sometimes force their fantasies to come to life. Paige's whitelighter side could have done this."

"Wait," I said, "so they were real after all?" A headache starts to form but I ignore it.

He nods but adds, "I can only speculate but, yeah, to you at least. Maybe they only reacted when just you were around. It also might be that your grandmother or mother, Patty, made them. That is another possibility." He looks at the wall blankly while he considers it.

I nod slowly staring once again at Cole. "Now I have a question. Finally for you Cole." As I say this I can see him shrink up again as if scared. "How did you know me?"

Everyone in the room turns to Cole patiently awaiting a response from the new mortal. He straightened up and started, "It is very complicated but here me out." I nod to him to start and he clears his throat and starts, "In the underworld, there are few universal rules. During the time that Paige is referring to, I was a respectable demon, who had a good lawyer gig." Everyone nods here and I move my hands, indicating for him to get to the point. He nods and continues, "But we demons, do have one universal law; under no circumstance can any demon, warlock, etc ever rape; especially not children. Even we find it deplorable."

"Demons with consciousness, nice," replies Piper. "But what does this have to do with Paige? Demons wouldn't get involved in a mortal rapist. Plus they wouldn't be able to find a single mortal." At this Phoebe and I nodded, neither of us seeing the conclusion. "And plus you were always a lawyer for San Francisco, not wherever Paige was."

Cole nodded, "True, but during that time a particularly violent rapist was terrorizing San Francisco from '90 to '92. Does anybody remember the Valley Park Rapist?"

At this point I finally start to see where this was going. Both Phoebe and Piper nodded and Phoebe stated, "Yeah, the rapist who raped and killed about twenty-five and then would dump the bodies into ditches around town. Grams kept me and Piper inside almost all the time while that went on." Piper nodded in remembrance. "Why?"

"I myself," started Cole again, "hate rapists more than anything. I guess that was the human in me," he adds in hindsight. "But either way I was in a unique position. So, I used my powers to influence certain people so I could become the lead prosecutor in the case. My powers wouldn't let me find some random unknown mortal, so I decided, should the cops find the guy, I would lend a very helping hand."

"Ooh," I moan softly, my memory going into overdrive, "that is where you remember me from. You prosecuted my case." I ignore both Piper and Phoebe's loud gasps and continued while Cole nodded, "but I never had any lengthy meetings with you, but usually just the cops." I grin as I mutter, "Rosebud." Cole grinned at the term and said, "Yep." Adding to the blank confusion on my sister's faces he said, "Paige was the "anonymous" witness who stopped him."

"What?!" shouted both my sisters. "The public was never told who that was, only that there was some dark controversy surrounding it. We were told that they had died," continued Phoebe, glancing back and forth between myself and Cole. Cole opened his mouth but Piper beat him.

"I think," She stated quickly, "That you two tell us the rest of the story!" She visibly calmed down, and said, sighing, "If you are ready."

I nodded but added, "but Cole better tell his parts when he comes to it and no interrupting either of us."

Cole nodded saying, " I can add what the police were doing at the time, as I kept a very close watch."

I nodded and then once again started my long, sad tale of my past as I thought, _For Rosebud_.


	6. Left Behind

HELLO STRANGERS!!!!!!! …don't hurt me… I am back to business and determined to write this thing quickly! This chapter (and the preceding ones unless otherwise stated) will be in the past exploring Paige's past in her point of view and the point of view of the cops involved (remember, Cole is also giving details of what the cops are doing at the time).

Now about the dolls, the only one that will be in the later chapters is Rachael so you don't have to remember the rest. I LIKE PENGUINS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

To make reading easier I will just leave everything in regular font (I hate reading Italics).

There is no magic in the past shown for obvious reasons. Remember to REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOW LET US PARTY ON!!!!!!!!!!!

Chapter 6: Left Behind

"…and they lived happily ever after," my mom finished, closing our fairy tale book. It was a year after my father raped me. The sex continued when my mother was gone and he spent more time at home with me instead of gambling and drinking. I did not understand what he was doing but it hurt all the same. I began to avoid him as much as possible. I turned afraid and tried to spend more time out of the house or with my mom when she wasn't drinking, a rarity for my life. As I curled my newly-ten year old body tighter around my mother I looked into her eyes and pleaded with my best puppy eyes, "Again?"

My mother let out a soft, joyful laugh. When she wasn't drinking she seemed to be the nicest, gentlest woman around. When she drank though, I feared her. About two months earlier she had gotten into a drunken rage and grabbed hold of my dolls screaming that I was too old for them. I pleaded to her to give them back as she lopped them over the fence in biting distance of the neighbor's bulldog. I cried for a week, finally having a small funeral for them. I was grateful that Rachael had been under my bed covers at the time. My mother never apologized but started to read me my favorite fairy tale stories more often. I also noticed that she came home drunk less often and I was grateful. "Why do you like fairy tales so much? You are obsessed with them," she said, lightly tickling my stomach. I giggled and bounced up and kissed her on the noise, which she started wrinkling.

"Because," I declared raising my arms above my head for dramatic effect, "I like happy endings."

"And everyone deserves one," my mom said poking my nose, "especially, those who can't do it themselves." I stared at my mom, the words sinking in. My mom got up from the couch and started walking toward the door. "I have to leave for a while. Now your dad is in his room taking a nap. I will be back tonight. Bye, hun."

Once the door was closed I immediately was grappled with fear. I turned slowly to my left to stare at the doorway that went into my parent/s bedroom, confirming my fear. Standing nude in the doorway was my father smiling at me. I gulped heavily as my father came toward me.

Afterword, as he picked up his pants I let my shriveled, naked body crawl to the corner of my bed. I curled into the fetal position, hoping that it was over. He through my pants at me hissing, "Get dressed." He looked around the room while I started to get dressed then spoke, "It was your tenth birthday two months ago right?" I nodded and he continued, "Oh. Well I guess you're old enough to know then."

"Know what?"

He walked toward the door and picked up Rachael from my dresser. After looking at it for a second, he threw it back on the dresser as if burned. He wiped his hands on his jeans then turned to me and replied emotionless, "You were adopted. You are no daughter of mine. Never was and never will be." After a pregnant pause he strayed out of the room and went back to bed. I sat on my bed stunned, holding my torn clothes. _I am adopted_ I thought. A thousand thoughts ran through my mind forcing me to clutch my skull in pain.

"It is ok, Paige. Come here."

I looked through my fingers to see Rachael staring into my eyes. I walked over to her and placed her in my hand. When she neared my face she reached a hand up and brushed away a tear.

The next month went slowly; I avoided both of my parents and surrendered to the darkness of my room more often. I know longer went outside or tried on my homework. The thoughts of being adopted clouded my mind and every waking thought. As the month progressed my stomach started acting toward the inactivity. As my stomach puked out into the toilet, my thoughts wondered why my "parents" never noticed. They had been around long enough, to notice my illness but never mentioned it. An ironic twist in the form of my mother opened the bathroom door holding a plastic stick.

"How long have you been sick?" asked my mom emotionlessly. I could see something glitter behind her green eyes but couldn't tell what it was. Sadness? Pity?

"About a week," I said from the toilet.

"Pee," she ordered. I looked at her confused and she stomped her foot, screaming, "Pee on the goddamn stick!" My body reactively shook at her anger but I grabbed the stick none the less. Under her watchful glare I stood over the toilet and skillfully peed on it. I then handed back to my mother who grabbed it then started shaking it.

A whole minute of silence went by. I watched my mother's face go pale and then she looked at me with a stare that screamed, "How could you?" She slapped me suddenly, hard. I fell to the ground not saying or muttering a word, just hoping that she was done. She stormed out of the room leaving me confused and hurt.

Later that night I heard screaming from both my parents through my door. I wondered what they were arguing about as I paced back and forth holding Rachael. When silence finally fell I grabbed my book of fairy tales and started reading. I smiled as the knight in shining armor would rescue the poor maiden or as the clever peasant would outsmart his opponent and save himself or others. The silence permitted throughout the house for another hour until my mother barged into the room, screaming, "Get dressed and a bag ready." I looked up in time for her to slam the door. Deciding it was best to listen; I grabbed my duffle bag and filled it with clothes and my fairy tale books. I began to fill it with some personal supplies when my mom burst in again rambling on quickly. She grabbed my bag and began pulling me to the door. I reached out and grabbed my doll as we zoomed out of the house. I caught a brief glimpse of my dad, leaning against the door to the house glaring at me. I was shoved hard into the front seat of our van by my mom.

I buckled quickly as she speed out of the driveway. We drove out of town in silence. The scenery faded into the night as we speed through it. I clutched Rachael closer to my chest hoping for my mother to give a hint of our destination. She silently ignored me; only staring absentmindedly into the distance. I closed my eyes and leaned against the door in hopes of a little sleep.

I woke up to my mother shaking me. I blinked slowly, rubbing my eyes. I looked around to see nothing but a deserted alleyway. Garbage, needles, and a small red wagon polluted the small pathway. I looked at my mom confused. "Where are we, mom?"

"San Francisco," she replied, throwing my duffle and Rachael on top of me.

"Why…?" I began only to be interrupted by her.

"Here take this money," she said thrusting several hundred dollar bills into my lap. "Now get out." I got out of the car holding my doll and my bag staring at my mom. She leaned over the seat and slammed my door closed. Rolling down the window she said, "You don't know us and never try to contact us again. You're not part of our family."

I watched as my mom drove out of the alleyway and out of site. I stood there for an hour awaiting a sign of my mom, dad, or anyone. I stood there, slowly realizing that they were not returning.

"Ow," hissed Olivia after spilling some coffee on her hand. She got out of her car in outskirts of San Francisco holding two cups of coffee. She started walking toward the crime scene, ducking under the crime tape. She finally reached the body and her partner, handing a coffee to the latter. She sighed deeply. This was the nineteenth victim to be dumped in this manner and no doubt from the same person. Nineteen little girls from age's eight to twelve dumped nude in a ditch after being brutally raped for days. The city demanded answers and so far they hadn't got any.

"Name is Samantha Bee. Died maybe five hours ago. Same as the rest. Dirty, used and thrown away," Elliot said disgusted. Everyone knew that Elliot had been taking this case particularly hard since his own daughter was ten years old. Hell, everyone was taking it hard since the bodies kept floating in with no sign of stopping. "Got the name off a missing person's report that I had been reading this morning."

Olivia glanced at her partner and around the scene. They all looked beat. A record number of cops responded to the call, desperate to finding a clue. Her team was hoping that they could find a break, but so far none. She saw Munch and Fin walk up behind her. Munch removed his hat at the site of the girl and held it over his heart as Fin muttered, "Shit."

Olivia nodded. "You know that an extra DA is even adding himself to this case? Apparently he has high ties and we will be getting some greatly needed help. God, hope it works." The men nodded in agreement and looked up at a car pulling up. A man got out. He appeared neatly dressed, late twenties and slightly gruff. He strayed over to the body and looked down at it looking quite calm about the situation. He looked up at the cops extending his hand. "Cole Turner, DA. I hoped that we could have met under better circumstances but…" he trailed off and stared down at the poor girl.

Elliot nodded his head at him and took control. "Alright, let's get going and start following any lead we can get before they go cold." As the detectives scattered, Elliot could not help notice they emotionlessness of the new DA. He shook his head and started crawling out of the ditch.


End file.
